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MR. BULL: My dear chubby wife, I have something to tell you.
MRS. COW: Chubby wife?. You never call me chubby, so I assume you’re up to something.
MR. BULL: You’re so intuitive…the thing is that…I don’t love you anymore.
MRS. COW:(crying) What!. You swore eternal love to me!. Don’t you remember when you proposed to me on a bent knee?. Then you took my leg, gave me the ring and kissed me. You said you needed me!.
MR. BULL: I know baby, and I’m really sorry…but love dies…so I have decided to leave you.
MRS. COW:(angry) No, not in your dreams!. I won’t let you go!.
MR. BULL: Don’t make things harder, please.
MRS. COW: I know this has to do with the new cow in the farm. She’s always looking at you!.
MR. BULL: Keep her out of this, she has nothing to do with me, even if she’s so pretty.
MRS. COW: I love you!. I know I have gained a few pounds, but ….
MR. BULL: But I don’t love you anymore. Today I will talk to my lawyer.
(Mr. Rooster enters)
MR. ROOSTER: Good morning!.
MR. BULL: What a coinicidence!. I was just talking about you.
MR. ROOSTER: How can I help you?.
MR. BULL: I want to divorce my wife, Mrs. Cow. And the reason is not because she’s fat and ugly, I just want to make that clear.
MRS. COW: I knew it!.
MR. ROOSTER: Then, why do you want to divorce her?.
MR. BULL: I don’t love her anymore…that’s why.
MRS. COW: You said you loved me!.
MR. BULL: There’s no such thing as everlasting love.
MR. ROOSTER:(to Mr. Bull) I think we have a problem. (he takes Mr. Bull by his arm and away from Mrs. Cow) That is not a good reason to divorce her. You need another excuse!.
MR. BULL: But it’s not an excuse. It’s the truth. Don’t you undersand?.
MR. ROOSTER: I do! . But the law will not be on your side. (thoughtful) Let me think…I know!. You will say she snores while sleeping, and when she opens her mouth, her bad breath wakes you up, and since you can not sleep, then you can not go to work, and you may loose your job at the farm. What do you think?.
MR. BULL: Well, you’re the lawyer, so I suppose you’re the expert.
MR. ROOSTER: Just leave it to me, I can handle her.
(Mr. Rooster and Mr. Bull approach Mrs. Cow)
MR. ROOSTER: Mrs. Cow, my client told me the truth, and I mean the REAL TRUTH.
MRS. COW: What is it?.
MR. ROOSTER: The truth is that you snore too much, and your bad breath wakes him up every night. As a result of this, his lack of sleep keeps him from going to work.
MRS. COW: Are you kidding?. I have never snored in my life!.
MR. BULL: You don’t know that because you’re sleeping. But I can hear you all night snoring!. Sometimes I even think it’s Thor destroying the mountains with his hammer. But NO, it is you, and your BAD BREATH!.
MRS. COW: I always use a mouthwash!.
MR. BULL: Well it’s not working!. Your breath smells like dry rotten grass. And I’m going to prove it!.
MRS. COW: Oh yeah?. Tell me how!.
MR. ROOSTER: We will go to court. And all the farm animals will give their testimony.
MRS. COW: They are my friends!. ALL OF THEM!.
MR. ROOSTER: That’s it, we’ll see you tomorrow at Corral Court.
(Mr. Bull and Mr. Rooster leave)
MRS. COW: Dry rotten grass?. We’ll see about that.
ACT II – AT CORRAL COURT
(The judge is sitting at his desk. The Police Dog is standing beside the judge. In the center of the court room there is an empty chair. Mr. Rooster is standing beside the empty chair. Mr. Bull, Mrs. Cow, the witnesses, and the pigs are seated in front of the judge)
MR. HORSE:(hits the gavel) Silence!. We are gathered here because Mr. Bull wishes to divorce Mrs. Cow due to her bad breath (Witnesses start talking). (hits the gavel) Order in the court!.
MRS. COW: (Pointing to Mr. Bull) That animal is lying!.
MR. BULL:(yelling) That animal as you call me…is your husband!.
MR. HORSE: I said silence!. (to Mrs. Cow) Where’s your lawyer?.
MRS. COW: I don’t need a lawyer. Truth will eventually come to light.
MR. HORSE: Good. Please, Mrs. Cow stand up and sit on that chair. (the judge points to the empty chair. Mrs. Cow stands and sits on the chair). (to Mr. Rooster) You can start.
(Mr. Rooster approaches the witnesses and talks to them in a threatening voice)
MR. ROOSTER: I’m warning you…if you’re not with me…you’re against my buddy the Coyote.
MR. DONKEY: Don’t threaten me!. I may be a donkey, but I’m not a coward.
MR. ROOSTER: You have been warned. Don’t fail me!.
MR. HORSE:(to Mr. Rooster) What’s the matter?.
MR. ROOSTER: It’s nothing your honor. I’m just saying hello to the witnesses.
MR. HORSE: Mrs. Chicken, please stand up. (Mrs. Chicken approaches Mrs. Cow with fear and trembling) Please, smell Mrs. Cow’s breath and tell us if it possible to wake Mr. Bull up from a deep and profound sleep.
(Mrs. Cow opens her mouth and Mrs. Chicken smells her breath)
MRS. CHICKEN: Argh!. What are they feeding you?. You make me feel dizzy!. (she faints)
MR. HORSE: She fainted!. Mrs. Cow… your breath…again…quickly!.
(Mrs. Cow stands, bends over Mrs. Chicken and opens her mouth. Mrs. Chicken opens her eyes, and stands)
MRS. CHICKEN: Oh my, what happened?.
MRS. COW:(sad) How could you do this to me?. I’m really disappointed of you. I thought you were my friend.
MR. HORSE: Mmmm your breath indeed woke her up. (to Mrs. Goat) It’s your turn Mrs. Goat.
(Mrs. Goat stands and approaches Mrs. Cow. Mrs. Cow opens her mouth)
MRS. GOAT: This is so humiliating!. Why do I have to do this?. Today I have low pressure, I feel weak and sad. I just want to sleep.
MR. HORSE: Stop it, and smell her breath, now!.
(Mrs. Cow opens her mouth, and Mrs. Goat smells her breath)
MRS. GOAT: Oh, what is happening to me? (starts kicking). I feel much better. Your breath brought me to life. Thank you, thank you!.
MRS. COW: What?. You too?.
MR. HORSE: Your testimony is sufficient. (Mrs. Goat seats). Now the last witness…Mr. Donkey.
(Mr. Donkey approaches Mrs. Cow and talks into her ears)
MR. DONKEY: Don’t worry cousin. Family first!.
MR. HORSE:(to Mr. Donkey) Smell her breath, please.
(Mrs. Cow opens her mouth and Mr. Donkey smells her breath)
MR. DONKEY: It doesn’t smell like anything!.
MRS. COW: See, judge. My husband’s lawyer is lying.
(Mrs. Chicken and Mrs. Goat approach)
MRS. GOAT: It’s true!. Her breath doesn’t smell like anything. We have lied!.
MRS. CHICKEN:(to the judge) Please, forgive us.
MR. HORSE: Lying in court is called perjury, and you can be sent to jail. Did you know that?
MRS. GOAT: Yes, we did, but Mr. Rooster threatened us. He said Mr. Coyote will take care of us if we said the truth!.
MRS. CHICKEN: We’re scared of the Coyote!. He’s a great hunter and likes fresh meat.
MR. HORSE: You’re so naive, I can see you don’t read the newspaper. The coyote is in a better place now…and I mean…he’s dead. (to Mr. Bull) So you better find another excuse to leave Mrs. Cow. Meanwhile, I sentence you and your lawyer to clean for a period of six months the pig pen. Starting right now!.
PIGS: Yes!. We want justice!. We want justice!.
MR. BULL: But, why your honor?.
MR. HORSE: For threatening the citizens of this farm. Threatening someone is considered an offense, and you two deserve punishment. (hits the gavel) This trial is over! (To the Police Dog) Take them away.
(The Police Dog handcuffs Mr. Bull and Mr. Rooster)
MR. BULL: You and your brilliant ideas!.
(The Police Dog, Mr. Bull, and Mr. Rooster leave. The witnesses, and the pigs clap and hug Mrs. Cow)