CHARACTERS:
NONA
EMILY
CHARLY
PHILIP
LISA
VOICE OF 9-1-1 DISPATCHER
POLICE OFFICER 1
POLICE OFFICER 2
SCRIPT:
Act I – In the Kitchen
(Nona is in the kitchen washing the dishes. Emily, Charly, Philip, and Lisa enter. Emily has a paper bag with hamburgers. Nona turns around)
NONA: What took you so long?
PHILIP: That place was crowded!
(they sit around the table)
EMILY: (she puts the bag with the hamburgers on the table)Yeah…then there was a traffic jam! It’s so hard to go out on a Friday night!
LISA: Did you see that guy’s face when the clerk spilled lemonade all over him?
PHILIP: (while talking he stands, opens the refrigerator and takes out five cans of soda. He puts them in the center of the table. Each one of them take a can of soda, open it, and start to drink. Nona hands out the hamburgers. They start to eat ). He was furious when he saw his iPhone all wet!
EMILY: Who wouldn’t be? I bet that clerk is out on the streets by now!
CHARLY: I’m so hungry!
EMILY: (chewing) Mmmm delicious!
CHARLY: So…are we gonna go to the movies tonight?
PHILIP: Yeah, let’s go see The Hunger Games.
LISA: What is it about?
PHILIP: I won’t tell you…but it’s a good movie.
EMILY: Good movie? This is by far the best movie this year!
LISA: My cousin told me it’s pretty much the same story as Running Man.
EMILY: Nothing compares to Hunger Games!
LISA: OK, but what is it about?
CHARLY: Basically, the place that used to be North America is now a place called Panem. There used to be 13 districts until all came together against the capitol…
PHILIP: (to Nona) What’s wrong Nona?
NONA: It’s the hamburger. It tastes funny!
EMILY: Mine is soooo good!
EMILY: Mine too…it’s so juicy!
PHILIP: These are the best hamburgers in town!
LISA: Definitely!
NONA: The burger is not good! (she stands up and picks up the phone and dials a number)
PHILIP: Who are you calling?
NONA: I’m calling that fast food restaurant….what’s its name…
EMILY: Leo’s Grill.
NONA: (furious) Whatever! (she starts to talk on the phone) Hello…yes, this is Nona Baker, I live at 730 Violet Street…some of my friends just bought some hamburgers from your place, but mine is really bad…who knows what you put in it…and I am not going to eat it…(pause) What can you do for me? … I want my money back…that’s WHAT I WANT! (pause) Tomorrow? No! I can’t wait till tomorrow…If you don’t give me my money today, I’ll call the police…(pause) fine! (hangs up the phone).
PHILIP: (to Nona) You’re overreacting!
LISA: (stands up) Sit down Nona…I’ll cook you something else.
NONA: No! I’m calling the police!
EMILY: I don’t think you sould alert the authorities about a not to good hamburger!
CHARLY: Ha, ha, ha….what if the meat contains pink slime?
LISA: (she sits) Charly, this is not a joke!
NONA: Yes…that’s it…it’s that pink slime everybody is talking about. It’s in the news everyday… now more than ever I have to call the police!
LISA: You’re being paranoic!
PHILIP: (sarcastically) Maybe you should call the health department first.
EMILY: How do you feel Nona? Do you feel nausea? Do you want to throw up?
NONA: No…at least not yet…but what if I had food poisoning? What if you have to call an ambulance and take me to the hospital? I’m calling 9-1-1 right now! (she picks up the phone and dials 911).
CHARLY: Now we are gonna have a much bigger problem than taking one bite of a bad burger!
NONA: It’s a nasty burger!
LISA: Hang up the phone! You’re not dying!
NONA: All I want is my money back TODAY! Not tomorrow!
LISA: (takes money from her purse and gives it to Nona) If that’s all you want… there’s you’re money! Now, SIT and let’s finish our meal!
NONA: No!
EMILY: I really believe you’re abusing the 911 line.
CHARLY: Pleaseeeee…hang up the phone. It’s no big deal!
NONA: This is an emergency….at least it is for me!
VOICE OF 9-1-1 DISPATCHER: You’re calling 9-1-1. Where is your emergency?
NONA: Mam, can you please send a police officer to my house?
VOICE OF 9-1-1 DISPATCHER: What’s the address?
NONA: 730 Violet Street. It’s behind the Public Library.
VOICE OF 9-1-1 DISPATCHER: What is the emergency?
NONA: I can hardly hear you…can you please speak louder!
VOICE OF 9-1-1 DISPATCHER: (yelling) What is the emergency?
NONA: My friends bought some hamburgers at Leo’s Grill, but mine is no good…it tastes funny. I called the restaurant but the lady told me to bring it back and I would get my money back…but until tomorrow. I’m really hungry right now. It was a hard long day at work, and all I wanted was to chat and have dinner with my friends. To tell you the truth… I really blame it on the pink slime…
VOICE OF 9-1-1 DISPATCHER: Please give me your full name and phone number.
NONA: My name is Nona Baker, and my phone number is 774-95-96.
VOICE OF 9-1-1 DISPATCHER: Can you please remain in your house. An officer will arrive shortly.
NONA: Sure mam, I’m not going anywhere until my problem is solved. (she hangs up the phone). (to her friends) See…that was easy! An officer is on his way!
EMILY: (angry) Nona, the fact that Leo’s Grill would not issue you a refund today is not an emergency. The nasty burger was no threat on your life, you were not injured…. no emergency! If you want to have a complaint, call the corporate office of the restaurant!
LISA: She’s right…you should have called the customer service line if you were unhappy with your burger….. not 9-1-1.
PHILIP: It’s too late for that.
LISA: Now all of us are in big trouble.
(the door bell rings)
CHARLY: Those must be the boys in blue.
(Nona opens the door)
POLICE OFFICER 1: Miss Nona Baker?
NONA: That’s me officer.
POLICE OFFICER 2: (handcuffs Nona) You are under arrest for misusing the 9-1-1 system for a fast food meal.
NONA: What?
POLICE OFFICER 1: (walks away with Nona) You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an …
(they leave the room/scene)
LISA: Did that really happen?
EMILY: Wow! That was a one bad burger!
CHARLY: I wonder if they have better burgers in jail.
PHILIP: Maybe they do…who knows.
LISA: Well…that solved her problem. Are we still going to see that movie?
CHARLY: Yeah …why not? Let’s go!
(they leave the room/scene)
The End
Author: K I D S I N C O
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